It’s so hard

Life seems to be a bit easier for certain people. Take this young lady for example. I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be a big star. I’m quite certain it’s easier for her to get seated at a restaurant too.

Even though her private personal parts have Delta Force eye blocks, I would still say this is probably NOT WORK SAFE:

 

My hands wet on the wheel,

CRAP-MAN

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Living

Uranus

A friend and colleague who is a PhD psychologist and astrologist sent me a 25 page profile of my personality based on the exact minute of my birth.

Your Ascendant is in Opposition of your Uranus (that’s what she said):

You are an original personality and you delight in your uniqueness and individuality. The right to be able to do as you please is central to your being, however you may not be able to exercise this without flustering and confusing others. You are a non-conformist and, in all likelihood, ahead of your time. To some people, you are an exciting person to be around, to others you are just too different for them to understand. Take care not to come across as too eccentric or weird, because you may isolate yourself socially. You are intrinsically restless and will have many changes of environment throughout the course of your life.

Life’s not worth a damn ’til you can say,

CRAP-MAN

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Benefits of Confusing Techno

I like it when people can take CRAP to the next level by playing it on an accordion.

I thought this CRAP was the song in the opening of the movie “Blade”, starring the now federally incarcerated Wesley Snipes. First on the scene is Tracey Lords, who, BTW,  starred in one of my all time favs, “Ladies in Lace”…so much talent…so much… BUT I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, she leads an unsuspecting, and unworthy, male suitor into a secretive techno-rave club, with some very aggressive touchy-feely dancing going down. Our victim then starts getting the feeling that something is not quite right. “Why is Tracey Lords interested in me?” “Is it my baller hat?” “Maybe my winning smile…I do brush three times a day.” Then a blood sprinkler system goes off and SURPRISE, it wasn’t the hat. However, just as he was wrong about Tracey’s feigned interest in his headgear, I was wrong about the song. That CRAP song is aptly and INGENIOUSLY called “Blood Bath”.

HOWEVER! there is a benefit to CRAP-MAN’s confusion.  It got me thinking of this gem from Opie & Anthony, featuring the late, great Patrice O’neal:

“I’da waited till the statute of limitations was up…”

CRAP-MAN

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Hey my man, what it look like

Seeing this clip made me think of Sho’nuff and gave me a great idea for this week’s Movie Tuesday classic.

And like so many great films of this era, looks like there will be a CRAP attempt at a  remake.

Sho’nuff,

CRAP-MAN

Leave a comment

Filed under Movie Tuesdays

Legumes: the magical fruit

Today’s CRAP goes out to all the women in our lives. Last night we were out with friends and my wife leaned over to me and asked if she was pronouncing “legumes” properly…which she was. But it was the way she said it, “Leguuumes.” Hearing it that way, whispered softly in my ear…such a magical word.  

Soon after, I was greeted with my second sensual surprise of the evening; if I would wash my hands and brush my teeth when we got home, it would be socks-only in the bedroom. Oh JEZUS!

I’m a simple man.

In other news, this also goes out to Blair Bear’s wife, Zins, who just endured 27 grueling hours of labour pushing out the Prince Cub, and effectively turning my good amigo into a Papa Bear. Good work you guys, and can’t wait to meet Prince Charles.

Here’s to all the LADIES! in our lives:

When you’re with me I’m smiling,

CRAP-MAN

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

So Wright you can’t go wrong

It was brought to my attention yesterday that Steven Wright hade won an Academy Award for his short film, “The Appointments of Dennis Jennings”

Comic genius!

It reminded me of this song my Mom used to sing to me when I was a little kid.

I wish you all a great weekend and hope you can find all the CRAP you need for the fast approaching holidays.

You laughed, you laughed, you laughed, and then you left,

CRAP-MAN

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Class Action Park

For anyone who grew up in the late 80’s, early 90’s in the New York Tri-state area, you know Action Park.

Leave a comment

Filed under Living