Where have you gone Tawny Kitaen?

I grew up with the belief that we should accomplish more than our fathers had in their lives.

My father was a leading architect with Turner and went on to start his own construction company. He designed and built skyscrapers in Manhattan and multi-million dollar complexes all over New York and New Jersey. After a day’s work he could take a step back, look at what he created and be filled with a sense of pride and self worth. The only time I can relate to this feeling is when I take an impressive dump.

I’ve accepted the fact that I will never be able to reach the same level of accomplishment or status as my dear old Dad. I feel as though I’m at least living the retirement that he never got a chance to enjoy. So, due to the fact that I have resigned myself to my fate, and the knowledge that this CRAP blog will probably be my only living legacy, I have decided to do something that he always wanted to do. My father always wanted a Jaguar XJ6, and during his relatively short life, he was too busy working and building shit to get around to it. So here’s to you Paps. Meet my Jag, Mandy:

She runs on LPG, so I will save lots of loot-cake on gas (which is HUGE over here). As long as nothing breaks, I should be in the clear. All I need now is Tawny.

This CRAP’s to you Dad! You always gave without taking. I miss you and wish you were still here…

Love always,

CRAP-MAN

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Just a bit outside

I L.O.V.E. LOVE this:

And a big FUCK YOU to you Mr. President. How does it feel, scum bag? Unfortunately, I’m quite sure you don’t care…

Not that I give a shit about our boy president. I tend to think he has about as much influence on decisions being made in the White House as his intellect would suggest. I’m sure the persuasion goes something like, “Hey G Dub, sign this and you’ll get an extra hour in the Whopper Hoppeeeeer!”

gws-motivation.jpg

They might as well be putting a bobble-head monkey behind the press podium. His prepared speeches are so repetitious and predictable that even I have started to get them memorized, yet this Yale graduate still can’t get’em right. Every time this guy gets up to say something, America cringes while he blindly gropes his way through another losing brawl with the English language.

Who’s worse, the president or the people who voted for him? YOU MAKE THE CALL:

“Thank you very much, Miss South Carolina.”    The way A.C. Slater maintained his composer is admirable.

I apologize…I know this whole George W. Bush spiel is kinda old, but I just can’t help myself. It’s so easy, and I just can’t believe the state of our Union at the moment.

“The leaders of the free world are just little boys throwing stones. They’re easy to ignore ’til they’re knockin’ on the door of your home….Seems we’re dropping the baton like the 60’s never happened”

– Elbow, “Leaders of the Free World” album

“This town needs an ENEMA!”

– Jack Nicholson as The Joker, Batman (1989)

I had this CRAP on cassette, but I think I gave it to baby Rishar along with my DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince tape. One of the best Movie Tuesday CRAPs ever. Also a Pelham Camp Wreak classic.

Go with a smile,

CRAP-MAN

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KLF

Take cover.

I’m gonna kick this HARD and you can catch it,

CRAP-MAN

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Opium anyone?

Watched a rather good piece last night called “Orwell Rolls in his Grave” about Medias’ oligarchic hegemony over information and stake-to-claim as the new “opiate of the masses”. I know many of my readers will not even read through this blog, let alone sit through the full documentary, so here is a brief clip:

The resonating point is that the internet is our last BASStion of free speech and information. Enjoy it while it last. I know many internet contributors that I was viewing two or three years ago have been mysteriously vaporized. Where have you gone Halifaxion?

Luckily CRAP-MAN is too insignificant and ridiculous to gain any attention from Big Brother…for now.

In our week’s theme of mind and soul repression, I give you this symbolic CRAP to bring you into your weekend of Final Four distractions and soma induced self-medication.

When explanations make no sense,

CRAP-MAN

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The day we reached the sky

I’m takin’ you back, with a special request from our man 50 grand, Rishar rishar. Enjoy the memories.

He’s a good holy man,

CRAP-MAN

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Freedom?

So I got an email yesterday from a friend in NYC telling me how there is some new “Spy-ware” out that blocks people from reading blogs while at work. Another friend of mine is already not allowed to view any type of video content while at work. When I worked for the MAN we had “WebSense” to keep us in check. One guy I know can’t even receive emails with swear words in them, which, I might add, is easily subverted by using a$$ or $hit or Oi812. Oh shit, now the secret is out and Big Brother can put an end to this deviance as well…

WTF!?!

Apparently, all these changes are being made under the false flag impression it increases worker productivity (probably), and of course it increases your “security”. It also helps that you are exposed to as little uncensored, or dissident, information as possible during 8 hours of your day.

I guess a three month interview process, a M.S. from a notable University and being over 30 years old is not enough piece of mind that you will put in a solid day’s work. You still haven’t reached that level of disciplined maturity. Well…now that I hear myself writing this…maybe they are right.

However, I will gladly remain a savage in this brave new world order.

“But I don’t want comfort… I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.”

– said by the Savage in Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, Ch. 17

Anyway, to conclude this mindless dribble that is distracting you from your work, many a young man has liberally emancipated himself to today’s CRAP.

It’s the one good thing that I’ve got,

CRAP-MAN

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Got Testosterone?

I love my life. I went climbing all weekend in the fresh Spring air. Had some really good conquests on some rather tough routes.

The guy I go climbing with is a Buddhist monk who studied for 2 years in Nepal, whilst living in a cave. He said he learned a lot, but didn’t feel it was necessary to live in a cave for two years. I’ll take his word for it.

He’s a rather unique individual; especially rare amongst zhe Germans. He also happens to be my martial arts instructor, having trained in the art of Pekiti-Tersia Kali, Zen meditation and QiGong for over 25 years. It’s a sick coupling of Zen tranquility and the ability to tear your still beating heart out and show it to you. Now that I think of it, he kinda looks like the KALIMA guy from “Temple of Doom”:

Qigong Lehrer und Ausbilder Helmut Bauer

Anyway, I have been training on and off with him since 2003. Kali was a rather unknown MMA style but has gained some recent notice after its use in “Hunted“, with Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio Del Toro. Then by the leading movie-bad-ass: Jason Borne. It was even recently spotlighted on the Discovery Channel.

So what is the point of today’s CB-Blog? Well, besides building a point-of-reference for any of my daughter’s future wanna-be boyfriends, it serves as a great lead-in to this incredible CRAP song. Enjoy your Monday:

Finish him,

CRAP-MAN

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