Got Testosterone?

I love my life. I went climbing all weekend in the fresh Spring air. Had some really good conquests on some rather tough routes.

The guy I go climbing with is a Buddhist monk who studied for 2 years in Nepal, whilst living in a cave. He said he learned a lot, but didn’t feel it was necessary to live in a cave for two years. I’ll take his word for it.

He’s a rather unique individual; especially rare amongst zhe Germans. He also happens to be my martial arts instructor, having trained in the art of Pekiti-Tersia Kali, Zen meditation and QiGong for over 25 years. It’s a sick coupling of Zen tranquility and the ability to tear your still beating heart out and show it to you. Now that I think of it, he kinda looks like the KALIMA guy from “Temple of Doom”:

Qigong Lehrer und Ausbilder Helmut Bauer

Anyway, I have been training on and off with him since 2003. Kali was a rather unknown MMA style but has gained some recent notice after its use in “Hunted“, with Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio Del Toro. Then by the leading movie-bad-ass: Jason Borne. It was even recently spotlighted on the Discovery Channel.

So what is the point of today’s CB-Blog? Well, besides building a point-of-reference for any of my daughter’s future wanna-be boyfriends, it serves as a great lead-in to this incredible CRAP song. Enjoy your Monday:

Finish him,

CRAP-MAN

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No More Tears

Just spent the entire morning in the emergency room with Larkin and my ex-wife. Larkin got her first real wound, a large cut under her chinage. It happened while she was climbing her toy chest and my ex was in the kitchen. Luckily it happened with my ex and not with me, because I would have gotten crucified for neglect. It was still my fault anyway, for teaching Larkin how to climb…

It was nothing too major, but my ex tends to panic…and luckily I’m the only one she knows to call in these situations. At first the doctors said Larkin needed stitches, but in the end they just crazy-glued it. She was a trooper and I am in some way proud of how she handled her first real injury. It’s almost like a right of passage. There will be more, I’m sure, but hopefully they are as easily dispatched.

I’m late for a class, but this too will not keep me away from our Tears for Fears Week climax. Stay strong.

Let it all out,

CRAP-MAN

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Heels Over Head

Just returned from a two hour jam session at the old Bim Bum Park. Larkin, apparently, can’t keep up with her old man, because she was smoked and has passed out. This gives me just enough time to grace you all with our Thursday edition of this slammin’ Tears for Fears tribute week.

I’ve always wondered, why the idiom is “head over heels”? If you are sent for a loop, shouldn’t it be “heels over head”. I know I’m constantly head over heels. Something happens and we’re all head over heels. What happened? CRAP happened.

One little boy – one little man,

CRAP-MAN

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Have no fear

Tears for Fears week continues:

You better behave,

CRAP-MAN

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Real Genius

Tears for Fears dedication week rolls on with this Movie Tuesday CRAP. It can be found in numerous SMASH hit movies like:

– Felix the Cat (1991)
– Peter’s Friends (1992)
– Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)
– Click (2006)

However, is most renown for it’s appearance in the 1985 film “Real Genius” starring Val Kilmer…who later moved on to become Jim Morrison and Batman.

Welcome to your life,

CRAP-MAN

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Bim Bum Spring has Sprung

At the end of Autumn, while playing in our favorite park – aptly appointed Bim Bum Park because of the church bells that ring, “bim bum” – my lovely little daughter handed me an acorn and said, “For you Papa.”

See it? There in her right hand. She’ holding it like her Daddy holds a curve ball.

 

peanut-with-an-acorn.jpg

I thanked her and put it in my pocket. I found it a few days later and decided to bury it in a small flower pot I had.

Today, Easter morning 2008, five months later, I walked into my living room to find our little acorn has burst through the soil and on to the scene.

See it? That little green sprout in the middle.

sprout.jpg

Tank you Easter Bunny.

I was very excited about this, and after doing the Balki Bartokomous dance of joy, I decided to ring in the spring with a Tears for Fears dedication week.

DJ’s the man we love the most,

CRAP-MAN

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What’s your Passion

friday-hangin-out.jpg

I find the symbolic fertility of vibrantly colored eggs and sexually prolific bunnies made of chocolate a much more palatable way to ring in the spring equinox. Here people still maintain the tradition dancing around a Maypole. Mayday’s got his Maypole at the ready for any buxom readers (Savanna) who would like to revel in the spirit of spring.

Take up your Cross and, no matter what your faith, be sure to make this Good Friday a great one.

What’s your sign,

CRAP-MAN

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Live and Living

Captain Sam has notified me of his plans to sail across the Atlantic sometime within the next few years. This was a college dream of ours and he has gazed through his Sword of Omens and sent the Thundercats call beaming into the sky. The only thing I know about sailing is “tacking”, which I learned when Vinny and I almost got lost at sea in Jamaica. However, those are just insignificant details. Everything I need to know, I’m sure I can learn at the University of YouTube.
Not sure if this will come to fruition, but I must say I’m very excited about the endeavor. Cpt. Sam is the kind of guy that makes things happen, so I’m eager to see how this will turn out.

Here is our potential vessel, USS Hans & Franz:

1980 HANS CHRISTIAN 38 MK ll

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Of course, this was the first thing that gathered round my head: “If you’ve got yourself a dream: work hard, believe in yourself, because I know dreams…can come true.”

Hopefully there will be more to follow on this, but for right now I have to go chop fire wood.

Sing a song of hope,

CRAP-MAN

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How low can they go?

“The dollar has plunged in recent days as the collapse of Bear Stearns and the Fed’s discount-rate cut contributed further to its continuing slump. In trading on Monday March 17th the greenback fell to ¥95.76, its lowest point since August 1995, while also touching its lowest level against the euro since trading began in 1999. Although the dollar rallied on Tuesday, markets now await the Federal Reserve’s interest-rate decision later in the day. Futures markets are anticipating a cut of up to one percentage point, but there are fears this would cause further flight from the beleaguered currency, perhaps into gold.”

The Economist print edition

And how fitting it is that it was J.P. Morgan who bought up Bear Stearns. Good to see you’re keepin’ it real you old purple nose bastard you. “Buying up companies at pennies on the dollar”… or at 2$ a share.

This could be depressing for all those poor bastards getting paid in stock options. Where can we turn to lighten the mood. How ’bout our boy president? We can always depend on him for a good laugh while Rome burns. He can’t play a violin, but he’s got jokes:

I was in Iraq when Bush made this ostentatious rib-tickler. Isn’t it grand how amusing all those exorbitantly rich people can find the problems that affront the riffraff. I’m sure SPC Joseph Norquist (Iraq) and 1SG Christopher Rafferty (Afg.) were also rolling in their graves with laughter; along with everyone else on these lists:

CNN Casualty Index for Afghanistan

CNN Casualty Index for Iraq

As if that wasn’t enough CRAP from me for one day, here is something on the brighter side of CRAP. I used to be a military man, dedicated to defending the values that made our nation great, such as: liberty, consumerism and free porn. But instead I was used as a strong arm to pad the already fat pockets of a rich elite. Now I’m just a soldier of Love.

Battle in the end,

CRAP-MAN

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On the Rocks

The 2008 climbing season began yesterday when I hit the rocks and managed to conquer an overhang lead climb. After that we shot bow and arrow, threw spears and axes, pounded our chests, and then finished up with a few rounds of chess. Oh YEaaah, I feel GRrrreat. Uuuuhhhf!

Here’s a little CRAP to bring you into your Monday commencement of servitude. In the words of Mikey Fu (aka The Sorcerer), “Life’s short, play hard like Bo!”

 

Never believe it’s not so,

CRAP-MAN

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